MIDNIGHT SNACKS
It’s late. You’re hungry. Feel free to climb out of bed and raid the fridge, but hurry back, because I guarantee you’re not gonna find anything as delicious as my pussy.

THE TOILET SEAT
Put that shit down. Always. Nobody wants to see the splatter of your bodily fluids.

NO MATTER HOW EARLY IN THE MORNING, WE WILL ALWAYS DRIVE EACH OTHER TO THE AIRPORT.
As far as I’m concerned, that should be in the wedding vows.

A RATIONAL, INTELLIGENT ARGUMENT
I don’t mind having one. I don’t even mind losing one. I only mind if you don’t know how to make one.

GO AHEAD. ASK SIRI HOW TO CHANGE A FLAT TIRE.
I will never let you forget this moment for as long as we both shall live.

COUPLES COUNSELING IS FOR PUSSIES
Let’s go rob a bank together.

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